When I wrote this blog about judgment back in early 2020, I was coming from a different place then I am today. Yet I feel this topic is just as relevant, if not more relevant today. With the current climate, it seems that judgment is at the heart of all of the fracturing. My son tells me regularly that “people don’t think like you mom.” I believe it is his way of letting me know that I am hyper-aware of feelings and not everyone registers feelings like I do. But I also believe he thinks I am overly concerned with people’s feelings.
While yes, I am strongly guided by my own feelings and feelings of others, I also don’t believe I am overreacting. I am hearing and observing extreme amounts of judgments. Not just on occasion, but multiple times a day. And it gets ugly, with lots of name-calling. I find myself asking, “how did we get to this place” or more importantly, “how do we undo this behavior?”
Yet, if I think “differently” than others. If others are less aware of feelings, how can I help them recognize that the way we are doing/ being is resulting in us imploding on ourselves? While I don’t feel I am anywhere close to having the answers, I do feel it may help to pause and revisit this blog. Enjoy!
Judgment: Why do we think we know best? As a kid, there was an adage that was used regularly in our household. “Clean up your doorstep before you start cleaning up everyone else’s.”
I think it is a combination of two different sayings, “Sweep around your front door before you sweep around mine.” and “Clean up your own backyard. Tend to your business, I’ll tend to mine.” So, while I may not be remembering exactly how my parent’s said it, there was a clear message. The value that my parents taught me, “take care of your own issues/business, not someone else’s because we all have areas of improvement.”
To this day, I live by that motto. I still find myself repeating some rendition of that regularly. We are all human, not a single one of us is perfect, so until you have everything figured out, mind your own business. But this is where we get ourselves in trouble time and time again, we think that people should be, do, and act how we want them to.
Judgment: Why do we think we know best?
Because we are human, we find ourselves in the judgment of others. Why can’t s/he do this? What’s wrong with them? What’s taking them so long to get that done? Why does s/he do it that way? Like our way is the “right” way or the “only” way.
I want to challenge us all to turn your judgment dial down, just 10%. We would be amazed at the up-leveling we could experience!
We need to remember that we are all unique and see the world through our lenses. How we filter information is different. If there was only one right way to be, do, and act there would be no differentiation between any of us, we would essentially function like robots.
As a coach, I spend a lot of time educating on how we are all different, with our own set of unique skills, talents, abilities, and motivations. It energizes me to watch someone own their strengths, but it is even more heartwarming to watch the relationship that is built when someone starts to recognize someone else’s unique strengths. That’s the power of compassion.
Struggling with judgment? Looking to infuse more compassion into your life? Let’s talk.