Comparison is the death of joy. Hmm.
Think of the people that always need to get the last word in? That individual that makes everything feel like a comparison. A competition. They need to one-up others no matter the situation, positive or negative.
You get something new; they suddenly have one too or a slightly better version. You have a situation that happens to you; it is nothing compared to their situation.
I see this happen on occasion. While they think of themselves as a good friend, they essentially are not interested in what is truly happening in their friend’s world. They are out to remind them that their situation is worse or better.
This Is Sometimes Hard To See.
The person living in comparison like it’s a competition, seem to think they are making a connection (i.e relating to the other person), but rather they are negating their friend’s right to their own feelings.
The person experiencing the joy nor pain feels zapped after the conversation.
The thing individuals in comparison don’t realize is that it is not a competition, we all are uniquely different, and we get to feel what we feel. No one has more rights to those feelings than others.
I help clients recognize is that when you are feeling something, whether good or bad, it is yours so own it. Someone may appear to have more joy than you, but that does not mean you are not happy.
You may be feeling stressed and look a the devastation that someone else is going through. Just because their situation may be worse doesn’t mean you aren’t legitimately stressed.
It is essential to make sure you do not deny or bottle up your own emotions because you think others have more of a right to it.
It Is Not A Competition
People are not better than or worse than, more deserving or less deserving. We all have peaks and valleys, but your peak will look different than mine. Your valleys are like no one else’s. You get to feel what you feel, there is no right, more deserving, way. Just like a river that makes the peak and valleys, there are no two the same.
What you need to pay attention to is whether you have people in your life that do this to you. How do they make you feel? Do they make you second guess yourself? Do they tend to suck the joy right out of you? Drain your energy? Pay attention and start to see how you can create a health boundary.
Or are you one of those people that does it to others? It’s okay to admit, but pay attention to why you feel the need to do this? What do you gain from doing this?
Does this situation feel familiar? LET’S CHAT