Last week I had a full schedule of coaching. It is the fabulous part about my life, one day I can be staging or decluttering and the next I am in the throes of coaching. One thing I have picked up on is oftentimes there are themes and/or similarities in what people are dealing with. Last week, caring for loved ones and judgment of oneself were common. Yet we tend to go through life feeling like we are the “only one” having this type of experience. If only they could see how similar we all are! Which was the impetus for this week’s blog on acceptance of who you are, as you are right now.
One individual, in particular, was quite critical of the “stress eating” she has been doing. In the best way I knew how I tried to get her to recognize she does not need to do it all perfectly. With a husband who is extremely ill, maybe this is not the time to become overly critical of her eating habits. Rather try to see how her habits were serving her or try to protect her. While this is not permission to gorge oneself and I will be a proponent of picking the healthier option, I also know that being hypercritical and judging yourself also does not serve oneself.
How the Judgement Cycle Goes
Here’s the reality, we tend to set goals and intentions that fail to stick because we don’t tap into ourselves and get the thumbs-up sign that you’re really ready. Rather we do what we think we “should” do. We take out a stick and beat ourselves into submission.
Until you really decide that it’s finally time to quit that habit or accomplish that goal, it’s unlikely to actually happen.
Typically here is how it plays out:
You’ll make promises to yourself. Your inner bully will do its best to whip you into shape. In some situations, we may reach our goal, but once we reach it, there is no longer the problem to keep you going, so many fall back into habits.
Then the inner critic starts up with the judgement. And if you are still hanging on by a thread, in comes the saboteur. And there you are doing it (or failing to do it)—again. You’ll lose trust in yourself for not following through. You’ll feel like a loser.
Acceptance of Who You Are
Here is the key, love and accept yourself just as you are. With or without that habit, with or without that accomplishment, with or without the transformation you desire. Practice that!
Get honest with yourself. See how it might actually be serving you right now to keep that habit, avoid that goal, or stay in your comfort zone. See if you can find appreciation for whatever is keeping you stuck—and thank it for what a good job it’s doing protecting you from whatever it’s afraid of.
Just as I stated above, this is not suggesting you let yourself off the hook for bad behavior. But it is suggesting that you not shame yourself when you’re not doing what you promised yourself you’d do.
And as the author, Lissa Rankin would suggest, “Hold the paradox of your desire to change and your acceptance of who you are—just as you are right now.” –
Do you find you are overly critical of yourself? Let’s Chat.