Last night I was invited to join a private Facebook group. I scrolled through the group looking for who I knew and found comfort in being included. Since then I have been thinking about what, if anything, this says about me.
While I believe that humans have a tendency towards connection, I like to make sure I don’t fall prey to my need to seek approval from others. It is a slippery slope when one pins their worth on feeling accepted and affirmed by others.
Have any of you studied the enneagram? This tool was introduced to me about 10 years ago by my business coach at that time, later turned friend and business partner. I love it, not because it boxes people into a certain “type,” but because it gives me a glimpse at how we are all uniquely different and have different motivations
If you are familiar, you will understand when I say I am a 4. Those of you who are not familiar, take a look. It is a great tool to help you understand and appreciate yourself and those important people in your life, while also giving insight and appreciation into those you may not get along well with.
4 IS ONLY ONE OF NINE TYPES
I spent years thinking I was a 7, only to realize that I was disowning some major identifiers of 4s.
A big component of a Four is not really knowing where they fit or feeling like they fit in. This can feel incongruent at times to 4s because they pride themselves in being unique and authentically different (i.e. expressive). Being uniquely different can become their identity, priding themselves on distinguishing themselves from the rest of the world. So why would I want so badly to be included in a set group, when I work so hard to make myself different?
While it is true that Fours often feel different from others, they do not really want to be alone. The nuance is that when they don’t feel included, they can sometimes mislabel this as rejection. Many feel socially awkward or self-conscious, which can bring up feelings of self-doubt and not being good enough. But the reality is they deeply wish to connect with people who understand them and their feelings. They want to be celebrated for there uniqueness but also dread feeling like they do not fit in. Not looking the part, leads to a feeling of self-doubt…but isn’t our goal to be authentically different? A total mind mess for myself at times.
While I am not particularly closer to understanding why I am motivated this way, I know, like many Four’s, I am very introspective. I will continue my quest to try understand myself better so I can better serve others!
Feel familiar? Let’s Chat.